Yesterday I was at my local Super Valu buying a large bag of Purina dog food for my dog.
When I was at the checkout a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had an elephant?
I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.
I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 4 stone before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your trouser pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.
The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a Poodle’s ass and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Super Valu won’t let me shop there anymore.
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